Dating, Rejection, and the LBF (Let's Be Friends) - Christie Hartman, PhD Dating, Rejection, and the LBF (Let's Be Friends) - Christie Hartman, PhD

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Finally, a word about how you proceed with him when you are together at church, small group, etc.

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It would have been appropriate then for him to ask the young man some questions on your behalf. How physically and emotionally intimate were you when you were dating? So a couple of questions.

I have avoided him, to a large extent, so to move back toward platonic friendship feels a little awkward. As someone who has made the LBF work many times, it worked because both he and I found value in having each other in our lives, we were both able to transition into friendship mode, and we went to school together or had some other basis to our relationship other than having gone on a date.

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Traditional wisdom says it's impossible, or at best, not worth all the effort. Having a friend with benefits can be a win-win situation, but when the sexual part of the relationship fizzles, things can get weird.

Be clear about the type of relationship you want with her, and make sure she's on the same page.

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I think a few other questions must be answered first. And in many situations, that maxim holds true. Did the sex end on bad terms? That's far less awkward and painful than avoidance or ignoring and much more sustainable.

Despite your hope, if he hasn't given you reason to think you'll get back together, the worst thing you could do — both for your own heart as well as any future relationship that might be restored with him or developed with another young man — is to give him access to your affections.

After all, this is someone you've probably known for some time, have a great time with, and feel comfortable being around. Unfortunately, in many cases, letting someone down easy makes the rejection far worse.

How To Stay Friends After the Break Up - Paging Dr. NerdLove

I do think the fact that he ended the relationship so abruptly — after starting it off so intentionally with a phone call to your dad — is a bad sign. If you sense ill will when you call her, give her some space and see if her feelings change with time. Does she make an effort to stay in touch?

However, he abruptly broke up with me, with little explanation, a few months later. This worked because I let go of my feelings for him, and we went to school together and shared mutual friends.

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I immediately cut off all communication with him email, Facebook, phone because I recognized that this would make things more difficult for both of us. He was intentional — he called my dad, whom he had never met, and asked for permission to court me. Answer I'm glad you wrote and know from my own experience how hard it is to backtrack to "just friends" with a former boyfriend.

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